Paranoia in the Theatre // Haylee Lynd

       This is gonna be super relatable or sound super weird but I really understood the way Esther talked about how it felt when Guppy was watching her in the theatre. She says that one night when Ada, Richard, and herself were in the theatre that she saw Mr. Guppy staring up at her with an expression of utmost on her face and that she, "...felt, all through the performance, that he never looked at the actors, but constantly looked at me, and always with a carefully prepared expression of the deepest misery and the profoundest rejection" (XIII, 2-4). There are two ways to approach this: the first is that this all really happened and Mr. Guppy is really messed up and the second that Esther is overthinking. 

     Now, it appears that Mr. Guppy definitely has some issues. Firstly, he proposes to Esther although he knows nearly nothing about her and she knows nearly nothing about him, and they have only really shared as conversation or two. Secondly, Esther describes that he seemingly follows her around everywhere. I want to say that I do not question whether these first and second things really happened. I do not doubt for a minute that Mr. Guppy proposed under the conditions he did. Furthermore, I don't think she could overthink Mr. Guppy following Esther around that much, especially as she describes him standing at the post across Mr. Jarndyce's house. It is not a coincidence that he is there. The thing I am calling to question is not all the descriptions of Mr. Guppy's actions by Esther, but only his actions at the theatre. 

    I believe that it is really easy, after someone has revealed to you that they like you or have interest in you, to imagine their obsession with you. For instance, at the Monster's Ball on Saturday, a boy started to flirt with me. Because I have a boyfriend and was not interested, I walked away from the boy when the opportunity arose. The rest of the night I kept thinking about whether or not this boy was going to come up to me again or whether he was watching me, and I kept thinking about how I may have hurt his feelings. Thus, when Esther describes that she felt like Mr. Guppy was watching her the whole performance, I understand. That boy was not watching me the whole night. Mr. Guppy probably was not actually watching Esther the whole performance. That would be insane. I think she was simply overthinking. I'm not saying he never looked at her and never followed her, but it was probably not as prolonged or serious as she feels it is. 

     It is simply weird to be reminded that others take notice of us, especially in romantic ways, so when it is expressed, it is hard not to think about it.

P.S. I commented on _'s and _'s posts.