Projecting // Samantha Tedder
Esther, in her introduction of herself, struck a chord with me. Her view of herself matches well with the title of the book. Bleak. The anecdote of speaking to her dear Dolly brought up old memories of marching around my large backyard telling my childhood dog all I had done that day. When Esther said, "I was such a shy little thing that I seldom dared to open my lips, and never dared to open my heart, to anybody else." (Dickens, lines 18-20)That is when I realized how similar I was going to find Esther and me to be. In my younger years and much into my teens until recently, I found my view of myself very bleak indeed. I had much to say and few to say it to, so I spoke to Jack, a mutt we adopted when I was eleven because he would never get annoyed or leave. I was much like Esther is with Dolly; she depended on the constant state of that doll to get her through her younger years. Esther's habit of noticing small things she knows mean something but does not understand was also a trait I identified with heavily.
Though our upbringings are very different, hers very bleak, and mine, thankfully, good. Esther grows up with no knowledge of her parentage, raised by her godmother. She does not fit in with the other girls at her school as they have many fun stories to tell of holidays and birthdays. Esther, however, does not as holidays are solemn and her birthday is the worst of every year. She states, "My birthday was the most melancholy day at home, in the whole year." Driving home, how sorrowful of a day it was for her. We find her at this moment shifting from describing herself and life to speaking to her godmother. A godmother who on Esther's birthday states she wished the child had never been born. This moves Esther to tears as she asks a question she has yet not dared to, "O, dear godmother, tell me, pray do tell me, did Mama die on my birthday?" Her godmother insists that she let the topic go, but Esther insists to the point she is given an answer she did not wish, "Your mother, Esther, is your disgrace, and you were hers." Esther's godmother expounds on how this disgrace has plagued her because she took Esther in. Esther is distraught by this and apologizes profusely.
The chapter goes on to include the death of her godmother, Esther, being sent to boarding school by John Jarndyce, and then after schooling, goes on to live in Bleak House. I chose to highlight the beginning of chapter three because of how it related to me in a way a fictional character never has before.
P.S. I will comment on Bug Olsen and Emory Cooper's blogs.
It's intriguing to me, how you and Esther relate. I suppose we've all had periods in life where it looks bleak, and I shouldn't wonder if we come upon more of their kind in the days ahead. But has it ever seemed to you that Dickens always has a character like this in his books? There's always somebody who has a tough history, or will acquire one. I think, however, it does us good at times to feel pity for another human being, and reflect upon the troubles of others; because it motivates us to prayer.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your post, and it was interesting to learn more about both you and the novel through your post. Relating to characters always makes the book more appealing, even when we relate on negative levels. I believe that Dickens's upbringing helped him create extremely relatable characters, and as we relate to them we continue to learn more about ourselves.
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